Mr. Drunk Way Too Soon guy
Wow, that was quick. And to think you only stumbled in here a minute ago. You may have missed the memo because you were too busy dancing up a storm but you don’t win free drinks for being the first one on the dance floor, drink in hand, singing at the top of your lungs and only getting every other word right. You actually come off as more of a tool and while you do serve as some early entertainment, the embarrassment you (should) feel afterwards far outweighs the temporary levity that you provide. Given that, we will gladly forego the spectacle in order to maintain your dignity. We’re giving you a get-out-of-looking-like-a-fool card, use it for Pete’s sake.

Ms. Drunk Way Too Soon girl
Same as above, and everyone thinks you’re easy.

Mr./Ms. Overly Flamboyant dresser
Nice threads. Your tailored jacket, Armani top and designer jeans definitely accentuate your taste and show the time you took in putting together that masterpiece of which your body is the canvas. Be careful not to rub against those guys with the puke stained, $5, I Love NY t-shirts, ’cause that would just ruin your night.

Mr. Too Cool for School
Your machismo is seeping through your pores. Leaning against the bar making sure not to dance, eying all the hotter than average girls (but not for too long though, that’s not cool), and touting a look of being at this club only to grace the lower species with your presence. Oh yes sir, you definitely are who we all aspire to be. When I grow up I’m wanna rub moose in my hair, dress with popped collars and sip gin and tonic when everyone else is having beer. You sir, are my hero.

Mr./Ms. Foreigner
No one gives a shit.

Mr. Buy All the Rounds
Everyone thanks you, but you’re still not getting laid. What you will get is another invitation when we go clubbing again.

Ms. Skirt Way Too Short girl
Nice.