Customer Retention people are my newest best friends. These folks have the power to throw sweet deals at you if you ever try to cancel a service or return a product. Whether it’s with a 50% discount or 3 months free service, their only purpose is to keep your credit card on file. If you think you’re getting a bad deal on anything (and most of us are), take 10 minutes out of your day and call that 1-800* number on the back of the box.

*1-880 if you’re calling from Jamaica. You’re welcome.

Post Script:

The XM Radio call center is based in Jamaica. Portmore no less. I used up valuable international minutes (as much time spent holding as talking to someone) while calling across the street. I should have just jogged over there or asked for the dude’s cell number.

Type/Size	11	11.5	12
Sneakers
Slip ons
Casual uppers
Fabric uppers
Slippers
Dress shoes
Boots

Most annoying.

In a world where spelling, context, and proper sentence structure is all but ignored by anyone under the age of 25, what was once the scourge of online discussion threads may be the only ones who can keep the English language alive for future generations. The Grammar Nazzi (Also referred to as Grammer Police in homage to their kin, The Spelling Police) spend a disproportionate amount of time trolling around online forums and comment threads, not learning or contributing to the collection of knowledge found therein, but rather to point out to unsuspecting posters their abysmal inability to properly wield the Queen’s idiom. Grammar Nazis are far from revered and are in fact considered by some to be one of the lowest forms on life on the internet, just above spammers and MySpace pervs. This however does not negate the value of the selfless service that they provide to the interwebz at large.

This has been a bad few years as far as language is concerned. As a devout English speaker it pains me to see my mother tongue butchered the way it has. Being monolingual, I can’t speak with any certainty about the state of any of the other 3 languages in existence, but I get the distinct impressions that English has been the martyr for everyone else. Displaying for all to see the evils of late night blogging. chatroom hijinx and the rapid decay of formal structure that follows when left unabated. It has been the endless march of the Grammar Nazis that have brought this evil to light. Standing on “Reply to this” soup boxes, they have made us realise and face the horrible truths of our lazy, grammatically incorrect ways.

There was a time when they would not have had a place in popular culture. In fact there was a time when the act itself would be fruitless. I speak of a time gone by when language was respected, and the quill was only wielded by a select few whom, I assume, had taken a blood oath to protect the words with which they welted us with the weight of their worldly wisdom. Before everyone with a random thought in their head had an avenue to present it to the world, there was no need for policing. The power resided with a select few and there was order in the world. As those days are now long behind us so too is our collective trust that sentences have proper word placement and context. Because of this we owe acknowledgment, if nothing else, to the men and women living in basements who have answered the call to correct us and be loathed for all their days.

Shun them if you must, but they are truly the heroes of the written word, champions of transcribed speech and the last line before we free fall into the never ending abyss of linguistic hell.

Driving without it gets you a day in court, falling ill without it puts you at the mercy of bottom tier health care and dying without it means you get buried in a cardboard box.

All those reasons make it seem like having it is a swell idea, and to a tiny few it is. For the rest of us however, it’s the biggest scam you’ll ever fall prey to, and the whole thing is government backed.

Who else can legally take your money with the promise to pay you back when shit hits the fan, only to load you with half cocked lines about not being able to pay up when said fecal matter goes skyward? They remind me of a damn coke fiend. The only difference being one of the two can get busted to pound-me-in-the-ass prison. While being a coke fiend isn’t itself illegal, there are quite a few illegal steps involved in getting there. The insurance company, on the other hand, probably gets a tax break.

If they have your money why can’t they just hand it over when you say so? It’s bad enough that you can’t go back to them unless you’re laid up in a hospital or had your car written off (or both if you have bad karma), but when you do it’s as if they have a random excuse generator for not paying you that doubles as material for their lunch time comedy hour. The alignment of the planets during the last epoch has no bearing on you paying out, for Christ’s sake.

I’m griping because I had a situation recently play out, and I’m sure you can guess that I wasn’t pleased with the outcome. All I can do about it at this point is take my business elsewhere. That’s it. Not one refund or credit note in sight.

I’ve always been a well insured guy and with my particular flavour of luck will probably always be, but damn it if I haven’t had it up to here (hand below chin) with these damn, dirty apes…I mean insurance companies.