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Most annoying.

It almost goes without saying that a black man in America, and for that matter black people around the world, by and large associate with the Democratic party though they are noticeably ignorant and only blindly subscribe to their policies. The simple truth of the matter is that if you really stop and think about it, blacks are much more attuned to the ideology of the Grand Old Party than to the Democratic or Libertarian stance. It was a Republican (Abraham Lincoln) that signed the Emancipation Proclamation (albeit under duress) formally abolishing slavery, Republicans support less taxes and less involvement in the day to day lives of citizens, and the laundry list goes on and on.

If blacks do indeed have the same ideals as Republicans then why do so many identify with Democrats? I believe a lot of it has to do with the GOP’s name. It sounds classist and exclusionary with a huge throwback to slavery and the Great House. All in all it kinda rubs you the wrong way. This alone couldn’t be the reason however (one would hope) and I’m sure each person could give their own story. I’m no exception.

Again, if the views of republicans line up almost purposefully with my own, then why do I trumpet my democratic status. It’s simple really; I’m a Democrat because Republicans are nonsensical and oxymoronic. If that comes off as a little too harsh then lets just say that at the very least they’re…convenient.

Their policies of less taxes and more independence come from the concept of “small government”. The idea being that citizens should not have the government interfering with there day to day lives, and should be granted certain inherent freedoms. This comes from the belief that the Free Market is a perfect, self correcting entity that will always work out for the economy’s and its citizen’s best interest. Now while there are many instances of the market healing from a scratch or a jolt, there’s zero evidence that this mantra holds true for gaping wounds. The Great Depression (1929) and The Greater Depression (2008) are both instances of the market failing horribly and in both instances the government (correctly) intervened. The idea that if left alone, the market will always (eventually) be in the right seems to be an unrealisable fantasy. None the less, this is what Republicans believe and while I disagree with it, that’s not what I have a problem with. My problem is that their idea of small government only extends as far as giving you freedoms that do not trample on their own moral judgement. The things that are personal and *should* be left to individual judgement are being governed by persons with a “I’m right, fall in line” mentality. If they believe that the government should stay out of our lives then they have no business legislating about issues such as gay marriage and abortion. Regardles of my own stance on those or any such issue, I don’t believe the impact on my own sense and sensibility gives me right or reason to impede on someone else’s decisions. In other words, stay out of their lives. Be a small government.

The moral right is highly subjective. Parents, friends, school, community and church have the voting majority in moulding your view of the world. It seems to me that Democrats realise this, and as such don’t impose their will in areas where shades of gray exist. When it doubt, let them work it out. When you start to govern with a view of not just managing the business of the country but also its moral fibre, then it’s easy to develop a school of thought that those who don’t agree with you are against you. And we’ve seen where that leads.

So I’m a Democrat because I differ morally with some beliefs of Republicans and the convenient way in which some issues require small government while others do not. My wish is that more (black) persons would pause for a minute and figure for themselves why they’re drawn to the party, though it might be too late to make sense from all the noise. With Obama in the White House, it’s pretty hard to think you need any reason beyond that.

I like unique.

I’ve been mulling this over for a long time. I used to give constant thought to the probable names for the tykes I hope to have one day. The more I thought about it however, the more I realised that I shouldn’t be putting too much time and energy into this as the mother to be would surely want her two cents and would very likely veto whatever awesome names I’d conjure up. I’ve decided instead to give her the option to name the little ones as long as I get a say in what they can be, or more specifically, what they can’t. I’ve spelled out the rules below so you might benefit from my years of laboring. Following them will guarantee that with all the problems they’ll have in life, their name will never be one.

An overly common name, while not the worst thing you can do to a child, certainly doesn’t help him set himself apart in a crowd. You have to realise that there may come a time when being able to do such a thing may be desirable for one reason or another, and naming someone Dwayne, Paul or Nicole is only making the task that much harder. Putting a little thought into self identity can’t hurt, but be careful not to go too far or you may fall into the realm of…

Obviously made up and laughable names which, while certainly quashing any chance of the previously mentioned problem materializing, opens a whole new can of pretentious worms. This approach is almost never properly pulled off and always brings to mind imagery of overly stoned, drunk, or bitter parents where at least one was him or herself a victim of a glue sniffing induced naming ritual. Sometimes this can bypass hilarity and go straight into downright retardedness when the parent feels the need to give the child an…

Overly ghetto name, forever cementing their role as burger flipping, penitentiary hopping, hair “didding”, child support collecting societal burdens. Harsh, I know, but I’m sure Laquisha and Dayshown wont think so when they realise why they just can’t seem to get called for job interviews that aren’t walk-in. Why the heck would someone purposely bankrupt their kid in that way? It’s a crying shame. You’d think someone lost a bet but it’s so commonplace that the bet must have been lost near the top of the family tree and passed down through the generations. So lets say you’re not gonna fall for any of the obvious ones I’ve mentioned so far; you’re still not out of the woods just yet. Another trend growing in popularity that handicaps your child in his pursuit for a simple life is giving…

Common names with unique spellings. This is probably the biggest disservice that can be done to the mini-you. You see, unlike having an obviously uncommon name that has a inevitable inquisition that follows once it’s uttered, when a common name is heard the spelling is always assumed with no questions asked. This means a life of forever correcting forms and filling out name change applications because, as everyone knows, “Patric” has a K at the end, “Cyndi” has an I followed by a Y and Raechelle, Izick and Bayleigh are just wrong.

There are a few more minor rules to follow, I just touched on the main ones. The goal here is to not shortchange your kid and ensure that they don’t toss you into a low rate old age home when the time comes. The whole naming thing can leave someone really bitter; Take my word for it.

“Welcome to my parlour” said the spider to the…ant.

The following is just damn good information to have. Copied verbatim from Wired.com, this is something that could actually help you in life, unlike, say, Math.

1. Call for help.
Take the chair on the left (you’re captain now!). Put on your headset and switch on the radio. Tune it to 121.5 (the emergency channel) and push the talk button on the yoke to contact air traffic control. They’ll call an instructor to guide you down.

2. Set the autopilot.
Get navigational aids (like radio ranges) from air traffic control and input the figures on the keyboard.

3. Program your approach.
The instructor will give you a frequency, which you enter into the Instrument Landing System. The device will then pick up radio signals from the assigned runway and provide both lateral and vertical guidance (i.e., calculate the precise speed and angle of descent, usually 3 degrees). The autopilot will begin to slow down the plane — which is handy, considering if you tried and stalled you’d drop like a safe.

4. Prepare for landing.
Keep an eye on your speed (the gauge is on the left monitor). When it falls to 130 knots, flip the switch to lower the flaps, then pull the lever to release the landing gear.

5. Brake carefully.
If the brakes are engaged when you land, you’ll blow out the tires. Once you touch down, push the tops of the pedals. (The bottoms are for steering in the air.) Exhale. — Erica Westly

In a world where spelling, context, and proper sentence structure is all but ignored by anyone under the age of 25, what was once the scourge of online discussion threads may be the only ones who can keep the English language alive for future generations. The Grammar Nazzi (Also referred to as Grammer Police in homage to their kin, The Spelling Police) spend a disproportionate amount of time trolling around online forums and comment threads, not learning or contributing to the collection of knowledge found therein, but rather to point out to unsuspecting posters their abysmal inability to properly wield the Queen’s idiom. Grammar Nazis are far from revered and are in fact considered by some to be one of the lowest forms on life on the internet, just above spammers and MySpace pervs. This however does not negate the value of the selfless service that they provide to the interwebz at large.

This has been a bad few years as far as language is concerned. As a devout English speaker it pains me to see my mother tongue butchered the way it has. Being monolingual, I can’t speak with any certainty about the state of any of the other 3 languages in existence, but I get the distinct impressions that English has been the martyr for everyone else. Displaying for all to see the evils of late night blogging. chatroom hijinx and the rapid decay of formal structure that follows when left unabated. It has been the endless march of the Grammar Nazis that have brought this evil to light. Standing on “Reply to this” soup boxes, they have made us realise and face the horrible truths of our lazy, grammatically incorrect ways.

There was a time when they would not have had a place in popular culture. In fact there was a time when the act itself would be fruitless. I speak of a time gone by when language was respected, and the quill was only wielded by a select few whom, I assume, had taken a blood oath to protect the words with which they welted us with the weight of their worldly wisdom. Before everyone with a random thought in their head had an avenue to present it to the world, there was no need for policing. The power resided with a select few and there was order in the world. As those days are now long behind us so too is our collective trust that sentences have proper word placement and context. Because of this we owe acknowledgment, if nothing else, to the men and women living in basements who have answered the call to correct us and be loathed for all their days.

Shun them if you must, but they are truly the heroes of the written word, champions of transcribed speech and the last line before we free fall into the never ending abyss of linguistic hell.